I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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