And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
