Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
