She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize