god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
