Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
