so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
