I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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