Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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