I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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