Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
