i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
