The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
