OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
