oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize