I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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