guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
True strength comes from lack of pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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