I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize