Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
