My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was like eating out sand paper
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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