I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
