if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
