Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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