So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize