Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She is in my trunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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