Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
