I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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