Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
