DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
