She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
