If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
