Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
