i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
