If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
