Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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