Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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