How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
