the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
MIDGETS
????
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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