dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
