Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
