the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was confusing and full of hummus
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
