you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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