Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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