Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
