Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
