i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize