capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
