"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
