i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
