i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
