Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
