Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
