I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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