What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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