i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
