Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
