Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
