His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
