all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
NoShamevember. You game?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
