I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
