Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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