Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
