he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
